After reading my coworker, Jessi's, post about some of the quirks she has run into being in tech support I remembered a list that I started a few months ago. For those who have read it before I have added to it. Some of this may be a bit pungent, but only where a point is needed. In my opinion, if every customer followed these steps, and took these rules to heart, every tech support call would be as simple, easy, polite, and quick as possible. Also, both the tech and the caller would feel good about the phone call, and, in the end, this is what we all want, isn't it?

THE RULES:
WE ARE NOT YOUR ENEMY - when you call, we know that you may be a little frustrated with your computer, but we are not the problem, we are going to try and be the cure, so please don't yell at us, it'll just make things more difficult.

RESTARTING DOES WORK - you may be tired of us asking you to restart your computer. We do this because it statistically takes care of more problems than anything else. We do this to try and find the easiest, quickest fix to your dilemma to get you back computing ASAP.

BE AT THE COMPUTER - 99% of what we do requires you to be at the computer helping us troubleshoot. We need a lot of information in order to figure out most problems and it is far easier to have you give us the info as you find it on the machine then to have you guessing while at work or in your car.

COMPLETE DETAILED ERROR MESSAGE RECORDS - These error messages have specific working and numbers. Both can help us figure out the problem. We need to know that "There was an error communicating with the SMTP server: SMTP.yourdomain.com" and not that there was some error when I was connecting. Please WRITE IT DOWN, COMPLETELY.

HAVE SOME GENERAL INFORMATION READY - At the very least we'll need to know if it's a Mac or Windows-based machine (not that these are the only two, but if you're using something else, you probably don't need this checklist). It'd be nice, however if you could tell us that on your Windows '98 machine, in Outlook Express 5.0 you are unable to view any attachments. It's better to have too much information available than too little!

BE UPDATED AND SECURE - Many problems occur because Windows isn't updated, there is no Antivirus software, and the machine is plagued with adware/spyware. Keep your OS up-to-date, keep your antivirus software up-to-date and keep your adware/spyware removal software up-to-date (and run scans!).

BE READY TO TROUBLESHOOT - We cannot, do not, and will not know the answer right away. Even the simplest problem will be difficult if you will not do what we ask. In order for us to help you we need you to be our eyes, ears, and hands. We cannot see your monitor. We can only guess what you are doing. Our instructions will be as simple asd explicit as possible. If you follow our step-by-step procedures and answer our questions as simply and clearly as possible we will have you off the phone and on a working computer as fast as possible. I've found my average tech call to last about 7-8 minutes. Some calls will be less than a minute and some may last over an hour and require many callbacks. Make sure to have some time allotted for this when you call.



THE CHECKLIST:
THINGS TO DO:

All wires plugged into the correct plugs (check, there are usually pictures on back! If username/password problems) is Caps Lock on (there is a light that'll show up on most keyboards if it is)?

First try restarting the machine.

Do you have ad-aware or another legitimate (as in a tech recommended it to you) adware/spyware removal program? If so, update and run a scan.

THINGS TO HAVE READY:

Write down the error. We need it, word for word. We don't always need the error number, but it doesn't help to have it handy

Know most or all activity that has gone on with the computer both preceding and post-problematic for when these errors started to occur

Have the computer on (unless it is a boot error...if you do not know what this is, just have it on)

Be ready to spend some time troubleshooting.

Be ready to spend some time troubleshooting.

And, finally, Be ready to spend some time troubleshooting!

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Remember, we are here for you. Our sole purpose is to have you up and running again. This is what we are paid for. We are not here to mock you, or call you and idiot. If we do, contact our supervisor. You have this power over us and we know it. Please do not be mad or upset when we say the problem is on your side. We have thousands of customers and when you are the only one calling in with the problem we know, almost right away, that it is not a problem "with the servers." Remember we are paid to do this. We are professionals. We know more about computers than 99.9% of our customers because that is our profession (just as I am sure you know more about your profession than any of us). Please do not call yourself an idiot, or a novice. You are smart enough to call us when you have troubles. It takes a lot of knowledge and requires you to be quite modest to know when you need help and to be able to call someone who can help. In short, we are paid to make sure you are capable of utilizing a service, and when you cannot utilize the service, utilize us. It's what we do!

OK, so it's been some time since I posted. School and work have been quite taxing on my time as of late. I did get a new rig:

and I've been in the process of moving. I also had a friend take off for school (Jeremy, I hope all's well livin' the Dorm life!). As a bit of a gift for him I setup a bit of a tribute to our jamming sessions. We've got a little band together called Mikey Sings The Blues, and this goofy flash website is a tribute to the mentality we hold durring it.